We all self-sabotage to one degree or another.

Don’t believe this? Check out some of the common examples of self-sabotage below:

  • Self-Disablement. Handicapping ourselves through health issues - phyical, mental and/or emotional - most commonly manifested through obesity;
  • Poor diet: Under Eating, Over-eating, junk food diet;
  • Substance abuse: Alcohol; Tobacco; Illegal Drugs;
  • Not taking medication you should be taking;
  • Lack of exercise;
  • Lack of sleep (indulging in “competitive sleeplessness”);
  • Lack of organisation;
  • Making up (erroneous) excuses to defend a reluctance to accept responsibility whether it be for ourselves or others. Common examples being:
    • “Its in my genes (and therefore cannot change)!”
    • “I cannot afford healthy food!”
    • “I don’t have time to look after myself!”
  • Failing to face up to and tackle issues that are holding us back, primarily through fear of failure, or fear of living up to the (perceived) expectation of others;
  • Chasing happiness instead of fulfilment;
  • Engaging in Social Media;
  • Lack of self-education - an unwillingness to learn new things either through the arrogance of thinking that we know it all, resistance to change - not letting go of the paradigms that we are used to, simple laziness, or the arrogance of ignorance;
  • Reluctance to change or try new things, thinking that we “Can’t”, instead of recognising the difference between Can’t and Won’t (Can not v Will not);
  • Living in ego – allowing yourself to be manipulated instead of taking control of, and responsibility for, yourself through Identity.
  • Creating a false self-diagnosis of conditions to cover up an issues that we are ashamed of;
  • Not asking for help;
  • Not resolving health issues.
  • Simply not Thinking;

Do any of these apply to you?

The most common reasons for self-sabotage:

  1. Avoidance of responsibility. Wishing to place the responsibility for ourselves onto others.
  2. Wishing for others to take the blame for our failures.
  3. Wishing to punish others through our hurt, our self-harm.

Of the above, the last one, number 3 is the most interesting. It usually arises in cases of abuse where the victim tries to get back at the abuser(s) through aiming to make them feel guilty by saying “poor me - look at what you have made me do to myself”.

However, what this behaviour actually does is to effectively perpetuate the abuse. This, in turn, more often than not plays into the hands of the abuser(s), giving them more satisfaction at the control they have over their victim.

As the Buddha so succinctly put it: “Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

Identifying how and why we self-sabotage is the first step in stopping ourselves from doing it. In addition, by identifying the true impact that it is having not just on our lives but also the loved ones and/or colleagues that we are affecting by our behaviour helps to provide the motivation to stop it.

If we wish to avoid or stop self-sabotaging there are a number of questions we need to ask ourself:

  • What are the ways that I self-sabotage?
  • How much do I self-sabotage?
  • What are the circumstances under which I self-sabotage?
  • What do I gain from self-sabotage?
  • Who else does my self-sabotage affect?
  • How does it affect others?